Sow’s Ear of the Day – Bad Subway Manners

23 Jul

Friends, I beg you, never, and I mean never, ever pick your toenails on the subway. This is gross. This is wrong. People will stare at you and judge.

Last Tuesday at approximately 6:15 on the Q train, I witnessed a young woman (I won’t call her a lady because she doesn’t deserve it)  reach into her ingrown toenail to pick at something—I don’t know what. Eventually the nail started to bleed…when she was done (and found whatever it was she was looking for) she put her finger into her mouth as a means of cleaning it.  It was so awful that fellow commuters were tsking in agreement and shame!

Let’s talk a little about subway etiquette.  In Miss Robin’s ideal world, we would all be wearing hats, gloves, closed-toe shoes, slips, and full coverage girdles during our commutes.  We wouldn’t talk on cellphones, or listen to electronic dance club music, or speak loudly to our neighbors.  Instead we would all read quietly or knit.  Friends, I know this is a fantasy—even I wouldn’t squeeze into a girdle for traveling.  However, we can all employ a few tactics that will enable us to share a better ride.

Remember the key subway senses!

Smell. Ask yourself, did I forget to shower?  Have I neglected washing my hair this week?  Did I mask up my personal smell with fragrance?  If your answer is yes to any of these questions you get a big NISH NISH!  Wash yourself fully before going public!

Sound. Remember that not everyone likes hip hop.  I listen to German cabaret music from the early 20th century during my commute.  I understand this could be distressing to some, so I choose to keep the volume low.  Think of others first.

Touch. When digging in your bag, remember that someone is sitting next to you.  Don’t shove them with your elbows.  When entering a train, wait for others to exit first, please.  This goes without saying.  There is a special place in H-E-double hockey sticks for people who use this tactic to board.

I could go on and on.  Give up your seat when you see someone who is pregnant, elderly, or disabled, don’t eat Chinese food while riding, leave two-way radios at home—but I know I don’t need to. I trust that my readers are not only well mannered but experts at personal hygiene!

Happy riding!

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